I started the week with an overwhelming feeling of insecurity. At first I thought it was because my blog numbers – which had been much higher the week before – were in the toilet because I hadn’t kept up the momentum from My Fat Ass ($0.25). Then I realized, I didn’t let the momentum wither and die. Rather, life dictated a shift in priorities. I was stuck between wanting to write and meeting the increasing demands of my family.
And then the doubt crept in and I thought I just can’t do both. There isn’t enough time in the day or energy in my body or caffeine on the planet to keep me going. I can’t have it all, and I briefly contemplated giving up the blog. In my mind, if I couldn’t build it and find my voice, then I was just going to hang it up. That’s when More Than Cheese And Beer asked me to be her featured blogger this week for something called Friday Feats and Fails. I was excited to do something a little different and it was just the incentive I needed to quit being a moping, whiny little bitch-baby ($0.25).
And now I will highlight my hollow feats and my shameful failures this week, in no particular order:
1. Feat – I worked my FitBit to death this week. I pushed that overly-enthusiastic snit up over ten thousand steps every day.
FAIL – I literally ate a cupcake while I was running on the treadmill. If this sounds like I’m bragging, I’m not. I had made peanut butter banana cupcakes for a party, there was one left, I was on my way to workout and I felt entitled to have it. If I had to pinpoint the moment I realized that I would never – and I mean not ever – be skinny … this was it.
2. Feat – I cooked dinner every night this week! For the prior three weeks, I had convinced myself that Chick Fil A was a healthy, affordable alternative to whatever I would have cooked at home but this week, reason (and guilt) won over laziness.
FAIL – My family enjoyed No Vegetable Dinners Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. One of those nights, my toddler ate only fish sticks and Lucky Charms for dinner.
3. Feat – I did not have any mommy-tantrums all week and my husband didn’t send me to my room at all, which must be some kinda record. There is usually one night when I just can’t handle my children turning their noses up at the dinner I slaved over, the constant bickering among the kids, the baby destroying EVERYTHING, and the teenager acting like a mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging heathen.
FAIL – Most of the week I was drunk.
4. Feat – I finally remembered to call the refrigerator people to come fix the ice machine that’s been broken on our brand new fridge for, like, two months.
FAIL – I forgot $75 worth of groceries in the back of my van on a scorching hot afternoon because I stupidly thought that an impromptu grocery run after school with four kids for deli meat and apples was a good idea.
5. Feat – I didn’t give up on my little blog or my goal to write a book someday. I hope to share with the world my frustrations on motherhood and my disdain for all the inexplicably ridiculous shit ($0.25) my kids do that drives me absolutely fucking ($0.25) bananas.
FAIL – I slept in on a school morning, didn’t wake the kids up on time, rushed them through the morning’s chores, drilled and berated them to move faster and get in the goddam car, only to then listen to them whine about being hungry on the way to school because mommy was a bona fide lunatic who scarcely had time to feed them breakfast before dumping them off to be someone else’s problem for the next eight hours. And I plan to blog about it.
Total owed to the swear jar for this post: $1.00