It’s what’s for dinner …

Dinner time is a daily 30-minute window when I am compelled to straight-up punch my kids in the face.  If only they knew the effort I put into meals, they would never sit at my table and frown, gag, whimper or otherwise bitch ($0.25) about my food, because my food is fucking ($0.25) delicious.  I’m not serving them tripe soup or calf’s liver, people.  I watch The Food Network, like, twenty-four-seven and I’m bringing that magic right back to my kitchen. Every. Damn. Night. Continue reading

My analysis of urinalysis …

It didn’t take me long to figure out that pee and poop are a pretty big part of parenthood … at least early on.  Changing diapers is just a part of my day and that’s okay … until it isn’t.  At some point, these b-holes are going to have to stop pissing ($0.25) their pants. Continue reading